I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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