just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
