im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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