Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
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