You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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