So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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