Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize