Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
