So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
