Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Randomize