i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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