This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
