I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
