At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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