I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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