I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Bring me that man meat
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
