that's an acceptable place to lick
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
