I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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