We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
