seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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