You're completely useless in the revolution.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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