His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
