Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
