kristin has been a bad kristin
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
