i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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