So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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