is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
