she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
