he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize