remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
