That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize