Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
