there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
