I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
