I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
