True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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