After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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