He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
