I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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