I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
