My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
