Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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