This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
