ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
