I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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