if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
