theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
