I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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