so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
