Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
