Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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