lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
