Whod you bang
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
