he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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