My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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