i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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