I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
