I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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