do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
