Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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