Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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