what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
