I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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