Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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