just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
