I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
