did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
