I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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