Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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