I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
