Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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