I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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