I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
