before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize