He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
