OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
