living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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