At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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