I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
