Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
