I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
