you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
