My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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