that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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