listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
