He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
barbara walters just said penis...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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