Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
