think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
