the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
