It was confusing and full of hummus
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
