omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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