Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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