Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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