I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
