Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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