You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Are these your boobs on my camera?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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