Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
