Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
