I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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