the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
