I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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