pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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