Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize