I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize