3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
