Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
