My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
