so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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