I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
