what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize