so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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