my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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