i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
