Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
