We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
