Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
