He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She bit a glass in half.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
