A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
